It's a philosophy of tears..

Wed, 24 Nov 2004 20:48:09 GMT

Wed, 17 Nov 2004 16:53:39 GMT

I don't want to have to go through all of this, but I am even though I don't know why. I can't stop crying. I need to get myself out of this, whatever it is. Until I find out how exactly I'm supposed to do so, I will not be online.

I'm sorry for barely commenting on your posts. I'm sorry for not answering your comments. I'm sorry for everything, anything you blame me for.

Sun, 14 Nov 2004 18:12:30 GMT

Tijd zoeken en vinden.
Gaten dichten.
Bestaan, maar niet echt.

Ik zal zegevieren.
Ik zal zegevieren.
Ik zal zegevieren,
maar wij niet.

Ik ben er voor niemand.
De agonale idee doet ons
uiteindelijk allemaal de das om.

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 20:03:21 GMT

I felt extremely artistic today. And quite sexy, to tell you the truth.

Με πήρες κάποτε απ'το χέρι
και δεν σε ρώτησα που πάμε
σου'πα με σένα δεν φοβάμαι
μάνα καλή, μάνα μου έρμη

Εσύ τον άντρα σου είχες χάσει
κι εγώ είχα χάσει τον γονιό μου
και τότε μάνα, καλέ μάνα
τότε σε βάφτισα αρχηγό μου.

Κλείδωσες δύο φορές το σπίτι
με πήρες κι ήρθαμε στην πόλη
σαν τα κοράκια πέσαν όλοι
έτσι όπως σ'είδαν φοβισμένη
κι ακόνιζα παιδάκι πράμα
τα νύχια μου και το μυαλό μου
με μια τρεμούλα, μ'ένα φόβο
μην γκρεμιστεί ο αρχηγός μου...

Lyrics from Η μπαλάντα της Ιφιγένειας by Haris Alexiou, ~~crappy~~ translation here. Also, the first picture is way too grainy for my likes, but that's just because my camera likes to annoy the hell out of me. I apologise.

Nothing new apart from that. Not that picspam is new, of course. Well, that was your pointless post for the night, thank you, come again!

Wed, 10 Nov 2004 18:54:18 GMT

I'm expected at a Halloween party later tonight. HA. There happen to be few things I enjoy as much as making fun of Halloween.

OOH! I'm, liek, a GOTH! Aaah, goths... that other thing I live for making fun of. ...Did that sentence make any grammatical sense?

The only part about gothic lifestyle I simply can't seem to do, is taking myself seriously. *g* Und madness ensues:

Are you scared yet?

YES YES I AM LE SEX YES YES. *coughsnortchoke*

Consider yourselves seduced. Oh and mind you, I'm not even drunk yet.

Heh heh. Good times. Have a great evening/night/day. Anything. And don't forget to do something productive, darlings!

Mon, 08 Nov 2004 16:24:58 GMT

Whoa. There's an extreme load of blah on my flist. In fact, there's a fuckload of blah all around. *adds to le blah*

Are all of you okay?

Fri, 05 Nov 2004 17:19:48 GMT

*sigh* And the very moment I decide to give up on Kevin because he doesn't seem to give a damn, he turns into Prince Charming. Every. Single. Time. Hell, I bet he's even hired a white steed for the occasion. I know I shouldn't, but... *melts*

Wed, 03 Nov 2004 19:25:03 GMT

The voices in my head keep me from loneliness.

I'm madly in love with my new eyeliner.

Lonestar where are you out tonight?
This feeling I'm trying to fight
It's dark and I think that I would
give anything
For you to shine down on me

Wed, 03 Nov 2004 10:24:09 GMT

Argh.

I got up at 5 this morning to watch CNN. I went back to bed after an hour because it was so depressing. The shitty part is the part where I wake up again at 11 to find out that things only got worse.

I'm not up for four more years of this shit, and I don't even live in the USA. I just really don't want to see what else one stupid ass can fuck up in this world.

*hides under bed*

Pull me out when it's 2008, will you?

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 13:27:37 GMT

Hi.

First of all, yes, I do indeed suck for not reading my flist properly. I'm very sorry, I skimmed it, but I didn't comment much and I probably missed out on some things. Comment if you feel something has happened that I should know about.

This morning, I realised it was November. Came as quite a shock. It's scary, but beautiful also.

I guess it's the right season for all that is happening - there's been a lot of saying goodbye, and it isn't over yet.

Je suis allée au marché à la ferraille
Et j'ai acheté des chaînes
De lourdes chaînes
Pour toi
mon amour

(Jacques Prévert)</align>

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 19:49:05 GMT

Please tell me this isn't really happening. Please.

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 23:18:46 GMT

I. Um. Got myself rather drunk and there was some sortofkissingwithKevin and lots of tenderness and now I'm hella confused and I have no idea what he wants.

And. My aunt's cancer has spread to her entire body. It's in her brain. She's been dying for half a year now and it's eating me from the inside. We're seeing her tomorrow, it might be for the last time. We're all keeping our heads up for my grandmother.

I know that's quite a piece of information. I'm not waiting for you all to say "oh I'm so sorry about your aunt" and definitely not for squee about Kevin. I'm squee'd enough about Kevin, and more than sorry enough about my aunt.

I love you, goodnight.

Het licht zien, Eindelijk

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 19:06:30 GMT

I'd love you less if I thought I could.

Sun, 17 Oct 2004 20:00:26 GMT

niemand ziet het licht
als wij, en wij zien het
al lang niet meer.
de zon gaat enkel
dieper onder, en nog steeds
hebben wij hoop.

het licht is aan ons
voorbehouden. wij
bijten in het stof, het knarst
tussen je tanden.

Tot mijn verbazing en verwarring kreeg ik vorige week een brief van Jeugd en Poëzie, over twee gedichten waarvan ik al lang had vergeten dat ik ze had ingestuurd. Ik heb twee keer een derde plaats behaald, voor de jeugdjury en voor de volwassenenjury. Bizar.

Sun, 17 Oct 2004 12:40:15 GMT

Le spiffy new website! There are still some minor problems with it, but I figured this would have to do for now. I can't afford spending much more time on it anyway. Also? IT HAS FUCKING CSS. LIEK, OMGWTF. I DID IT.

Sun, 17 Oct 2004 09:34:52 GMT

OOH! UPDATE!

Let's see.
1. I feel great. I'm happy for no reason whatsoever, which is actually a lot better than being happy for a reason, because now no one can take it away from me. YAYE!
2. I've been working on my website, and it ate four hours of my precious time yesterday. SUCKS, because I was going to work on finduilas_clln's layout yesterday. Bleh. I'm really sorry love, I'll make up for it I promise I promise.
3. Apparently, I'm much behind on the fandom mess and I must confess I'm glad I knew nothing about it. However, now that I notice what complete and utter SHIT this is, I sort of wish I'd have noticed earlier, so that I could've been there for Fin. Once again, I'm really sorry.
4. I had the best of times yesterday with Kevin, Leen, Sofie and Sandy. Though most of all with Kevin. WOOPAH!
5. I'm trying very hard to find my Latin-and-Greek-squee, but it seems to be lost. MEH. Should any of you have seen it, or know where it has run off to, please do kindly return it to me kthx.

That's about all. *nodnod* Hope you're all good. ♥

Mon, 11 Oct 2004 18:49:08 GMT

So apparently today is National Coming Out Day in the USA. Well, I don't live in the USA, and I think my outcoming is very nearly completed, but I'd like to have my say about it too.

It took years for me to get where I am now: in a respected, even loved position. It's been a while since people last looked at me as if I came from another solar system. But it has happened to me, and it has affected me in many ways. No one should be depressed over his or her sexual orientation - it is complex enough as it is. No one should be picked on for being gay, stared at in the streets, talked about behind their backs. And definitely not be denied political rights.

Example. Say, tomorrow I get married. Sure, I could get married. But my wife and I would still not be able to adopt a child. That's not fair in any way, especially not combined with the fact that single parents can adopt children. I know there are other solutions, but that's not the point. The point is, that I will not be contented until the gay community here - and everywhere - has the same rights as anyone else. I will fight for that, and many of my friends with me.

No one should be denied their rights for the person they love.

Gacked from finduilas_clln

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 16:54:58 GMT

Tell me three things (or more or less) you want me to take a picture of and post in my journal-- besides me, that is. I've posted pics of me already. I'm talking about other, far more interesting things.

You know what to do!

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 15:07:19 GMT

I just did a very, very stupid thing. And I can't figure out whether that makes me proud or just scares me ALOTALOT. [/cryptic]

Apart from that, I just got the weirdest phonecall in quite a while. Short version:

PERSON: Hi. Are you Eleonore?
ME: Um. Yes. And who are you?
PERSON: I'm Nils I work for this tiny little business that makes school books and we're making a book that's supposed to come with a cd and I need people who will read short excerpts for that cd and I have a list of people and you're on it.
ME: Wha'?
PERSON: *repeats, even faster*
ME: o_0 I see.
PERSON: PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE WILL YOU HELP US OUT?
ME: Um.
PERSON: GREAT. You have no idea how glad I am that we will be working with you. Bye now!

...Weird. Anyway, I agreed to helping them out. I'll be reading some excerpts from novels, don't ask me which. And apparently, I get paid. I'm still weirded out though.

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 13:22:34 GMT

S.O.S.

I have an assignment for Dutch that is killing me, and I need your help. My subject is "The human race is useless". So.

Tell me 5 things that the human race has fucked up.

...
Or 2.

Or one?

Sat, 02 Oct 2004 16:12:16 GMT

I feel great, and I think I might just know why. There are some people out there who save my soul on a daily basis... Bieketje, Jolijn, Sebbe. Quinten, maybe. Mark. After all the effort these people made for me, I think I'm finally starting to appreciate their friendship, where I used to turn my back on it because it scared me. Surely I'll get hurt, but maybe it's worth it. We'll see.

I'm off to Kevin's in a minute, to celebrate his birthday. Leen will be there. We'll have lots of fun. I'm sleeping at Amber's tonight, we're planning a food party.

So many people befriend me, and I don't feel the need to hide from it anymore. It's all good.

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 20:20:13 GMT

I decided to keep today's picture public, because for some reason it means a lot to me. I took it in Amsterdam today. I think it reflects the atmosphere of the city quite well, and maybe that's why I'm so fond of it. Oh, also? I am aware that the photoshopping could've been more subtle. Maybe I'll fix the blur tomorrow.

A tribute to Moemoe.

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 19:34:19 GMT

This is my grandmother. She was born in 1903, her name was Elisa. At age 16, she was the most beautiful girl in town. My grandfather has never loved anyone but her, even though he lived half of his life without her - she died at age 36, while giving birth to her tenth son.

He would tell us about her when we came to visit him. About how beautiful she was. I miss his croaking voice, I miss his stories; and the stories made me miss her too.

He died in 1999, in his bed at the farm, and her picture was above the bed.

And a little something for the road.

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 17:27:02 GMT

Because OBVIOUSLY you're all dying to see les new shoes wot were given to me by the lovely finduilas_clln and the ever-amazing lessient, I present:

I AM IN LOVE.

With the shoes, of course. *nodnod* Thank you Ine, thank you Emi! ♥

Sun, 26 Sep 2004 19:58:53 GMT

Have updated parrotcake. Finally. Also, I'm taking requests again. You lucky bitches.